Life-Changing Events

Retirement

Publisher Malcolm Forbes once remarked, "Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did." Although Forbes' words may seem grim, many people do worry about the consequences of inactivity after retirement.

On the day people leave work permanently, they lose one of the most obvious ways in which they measure their place in society. In addition, they are faced with the decision of what to do with the rest of their life. People who retire often go from a routine that fills much of their day to one in which they have much more free time.

Whether retirement is viewed as a positive or negative event often depends on the reasons for retiring. Some people choose to retire, having looked forward to quitting unpleasant work or to pursuing more fulfilling interests; others find themselves forced to retire.

About one third of retirees have difficulty coping with the consequences of retirement. People who retire unexpectedly because of illness or job loss or those who tended to work long hours and bring work home with them may be most likely to experience difficulty. Spouses may have to adjust to seeing more of one another. Some retirees have difficulty coping with reduced income. Others resent their diminished role in society, believing that they are unimportant and powerless, with little left to contribute. Still others relish the time they now have to pursue their interests, to volunteer, and to enjoy friends and loved ones.

The transition from work to retirement can be eased through planning. Beginning to plan for retirement several years before retirement is anticipated is very helpful. Many employers offer retirement planning services, as do some community agencies. Retirement planning focuses on finding ways to meet financial needs and obligations and on identifying ways to fill available time through part-time employment, volunteer positions, leisure activities, or adoption of a pet. Counseling may help retirees and their families who experience difficulties despite planning or due to lack of planning.

Losing a Loved One

The death of a loved one can weigh heavily on the heart and mind of an older person. When a spouse or partner or a close family member or friend dies, a strong sense of loss is accompanied by an awareness of one's own mortality. The older person may experience a loss of companionship, less interaction with family and friends, and a decline in social standing.

The death of a spouse is perhaps the most striking loss that an older person confronts. In some cases the surviving spouse dies soon afterwards, although this is more likely to occur when the survivor is the husband rather than the wife.

Dealing with multiple deaths is another difficult issue. Older people may be confronted with the death of several loved ones within a brief period of time. Many deaths occurring close together can be particularly difficult to cope with, causing the older person to feel especially lonely and isolated.

When a person is grieving over the loss of a loved one, sadness is usually apparent. Sadness, a natural response to death, is not the same as depression and therefore does not necessarily indicate a need for treatment. However, some older people who are grieving find it helpful to join a support group or to discuss their feelings with a clergy member or counselor.

Feelings of intense sadness over an extended period of time or signs of declining health may indicate depression. If grief is prolonged or overwhelming, or if the person becomes unable or unwilling to perform even essential daily activities or speaks of suicide, then evaluation and treatment by a doctor are necessary. If the doctor diagnoses depression, the person often is referred to a mental health practitioner. At times, antidepressant drugs may be helpful. Some older people prefer to be counseled by a clergy member, which they may view as less stigmatizing than being counseled by a mental health practitioner. However, many clergy members do not have extensive training in mental health counseling.

Changes in Living Arrangements

Living alone is a common situation for many older people and can present many challenges. Those who live alone are more likely to be poor, and this is increasingly so the longer they live alone. Many older people who live alone describe feelings of loneliness and isolation. Because eating for most people is a social activity, some older people who live alone do not prepare full, balanced meals, thus undernutrition becomes a concern. Among those with health problems or difficulty seeing or hearing, it is all too easy for new or worsening symptoms of disease to go unnoticed. Many older people who live alone have problems following directions for prescribed treatments.

Despite these challenges and problems, most older people who live alone express a keen desire to maintain their independence. Many fear being overly dependent on others and wish to continue to live alone despite the challenges they face. Engaging in regular physical and mental activities and staying connected with others help older people who are living alone maintain their independence.

A person returning home from a hospital stay, particularly after surgery, may benefit from having a discussion with a social worker or health care practitioner about any extra services that will be needed. Such services, which may include home health aides or visiting nurses, can help ensure that the person resumes living independently.

Alternative living arrangements may be an option when living alone is not. In some instances, someone may be willing to move into the dwelling of an increasingly dependent older person. That someone is most often an adult child, but it may be another family member or even a friend. The person moving in may be providing companionship only or may be undertaking some caregiving responsibilities. This type of living arrangement may extend the older person's time in his own home and may be quite satisfying to all involved. However, expectations of each person regarding the arrangement should be clearly expressed and agreed on.

Relocation, or moving to another residence, sometimes becomes an attractive option or even a necessity for an older person after retirement or the death of a spouse or relative. An older person may move when declining health uncovers a need for supervision or help with personal care. Alternatively, a decision to relocate may come about simply because the older person is looking for better weather, more companionship, a greater sense of safety and security, or to be closer to a family member. In other instances, an older person relocates to reduce costs or to establish a simpler lifestyle. Usually the move is from a larger to a smaller dwelling. For example, an older person might move from a family home to retirement housing and eventually to an assisted living facility or nursing home.

People who respond poorly to relocation are more likely to have been living alone, socially isolated, impoverished, and depressed. Men respond more poorly than women do. Relocation can be very stressful. Much of the stress seems to arise when people feel they lack control over the move and do not know what to expect in the new environment. For an older person who has memory loss, a move away from familiar surroundings may intensify confusion and dependence on others and lead to frustration.

In some instances, relocation involves moving into someone else's home. An older person may move into the home of an adult child. Less often, the person moves into the home of a sibling, another relative, or a friend. Even when the older person has been independent or nearly so, choosing to live with another person can produce mixed results. Problems may develop if the older person believes he is or might become a burden to others in the household. In some instances, not everyone in the household is pleased to have the older person move in; this situation may arise when an adult child asks his parent to live with him out of a sense of guilt or obligation. The older person moving into the home may be vulnerable to mistreatment or other problems if others in the household feel angry and frustrated with the arrangement.

On the other hand, relocation may involve a very positive arrangement in which people provide services to one another as well as companionship and financial relief. Such relocations are most likely to go well when the older person is well prepared and when there is open discussion regarding expectations and concerns.

Many moves happen suddenly, but even a little preparation can help decrease the stress of relocating. Before a decision is made for an older person to move into someone else's home, it is important that every person already living in that home have an opportunity to participate in a discussion about what to expect and how to handle problems. This type of discussion can help everyone involved to anticipate and possibly prevent conflicts. People who are moving should be acquainted with the new setting well in advance, if possible. The opportunity to tour future surroundings and meet potential neighbors can be very helpful.