Intimacy and Privacy

Intimacy, by definition, requires private time. Opportunities for privacy lessen when older people no longer live alone. When living with a family member or in an assisted living community or nursing home, an older person may find that his need for intimacy is not only ignored but also discouraged and even regulated.

Whatever sense of and desire for sexual expression that older people retain can be sabotaged in a long-term care facility, such as a nursing home. Shared bedrooms and bathrooms, lack of access to hair care or cosmetic services, absence of places to go or people to dress up for, and activities with ill and unhappy residents may complicate an older person's efforts to look and feel attractive. If a person does find an appealing partner, flirting may occur under the watchful eyes of staff and neighbors. In addition, sexual behaviors may be viewed as disruptive. Even masturbating as a replacement for intimacy with a partner may be difficult because of lack of privacy.

Some long-term care facilities, however, do provide private space and time for residents. Even those that do not may facilitate relationships by breaking the social isolation that threatened residents before their move. In any type of long-term care facility, older people can realize the pleasures of companionship, caring about someone else, and engaging in physical intimacies such as sitting together, holding hands, hugging, and kissing.