Long-Distance Caregiving

In a modern, mobile society, family members sometimes live hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Such distances can complicate efforts to ensure that aging loved ones receive the care that they need. Indeed, long-distance caregivers—usually adult children—are presented with unique challenges. First and foremost, good communication is often difficult to maintain. Family members may feel that they never get a complete or accurate impression of how their distant loved one is managing or what his needs are. Just as important, even when needs are understood, family members may feel there is little they can do for their loved one unless they themselves are there to do what is needed.

Several steps can be taken to assist with the challenges of helping from a distance. Scheduling a regular time for phone calls, for example, is a simple step that can be reassuring for everyone involved. Newer technologic options for communicating include phones that can send and receive pictures or video and computers, wireless hand-held devices, and devices that hook directly into a telephone line that transmit electronic mail. Family members can sometimes identify a person who can visit their loved one regularly and who agrees to call them immediately if questions or concerns arise. If family members have concerns about how well their distant loved one is coping with shopping, meal preparation, and eating, they may be able to arrange for participation in some type of meal program to help ensure that the older person is eating properly. If concerns about security arise, a home security system may be useful. If the family is concerned that a loved one might fall and be unable to call for help, a personal emergency response system (medical alert device) might be an option. And family members should have copies of any advance directives, such as a living will or durable power of attorney for health care, if their involvement is required should their loved one need emergency treatment.

With the many challenges of helping from a distance, getting assistance from someone familiar with resources in the community where the loved one resides can be valuable. The primary care doctor for the loved one's medical care may be helpful in arranging for local help. A geriatric care manager can oversee the caregiving and health care of older people in the absence of a primary caregiver. If none of these measures is sufficient, sometimes the family members believe they have no other choice than to go to their loved one and help directly. The Family Medical Leave Act permits a person to keep a job while taking up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to attend to a dependent family member. This protection extends only to larger employers, however, and has other restrictions.